Daily Journal Entry #5

I can’t possibly imagine what it’s like to be him, so carefree. He smiles easily, laughs even easier. I watch him tossing the pigskin football to his dad, thumping his brother on the back and grinning at a joke, shoving nearly an entire fully-loaded hotdog into his mouth, seeing him plant a wet one on his niece’s cheek. He runs back and forth across the lawn, in and out of the house - I’m always reminding him to keep that door closed, but he never listens - around the yard. He’s got his nephew on his back, and our daughter around his ankle. The kids flock to him and he laughs as they tackle him to the ground. I see him deliver tickle tortures to each child individually; they scream and pretend to run, but they always come back for more. He stands up, shaking his blonde hair out of his eyes - I should remind him to get it cut soon - and pulls out a baseball for the kids to toss around. After a few quick “lessons” for the children, he sends them off into the backyard and heads back towards the grown-up’s table. He knows I’ve been watching him; I can tell by the smile on his face. I just can’t believe how in love with him I am, after all these years. He knows it, too. He can see it in my face. With a wink and a kiss on my cheek, he sinks into the chair beside me and strikes up a conversation with his new sister-in-law. Our hands find each other’s under the table, fingers intertwining in a familiar gesture. That’s when I notice his ring is gone and my heart sinks.